Tonight was it.
I decided it was the last fight I would have with our ASD, PDA, ADHD, SPD daughter Chloe about the two main topics of brushing teeth and having a bath or shower. She will be 9 in a few months. She is capable of these tasks but finds them much trickier to do, and much more physically uncomfortable than approximately 99% of her peers. Yes she is the 1% that somehow hasn't progressed or improved with her aversion to these tasks in the 8 years we have been going through the same routine and polite requests every single day. Let that sink in for a moment. I'm talking almost 3,000 times where I have said to her "it's time for your bath" and many more thousand times I have said "let's brush your teeth". Yet still, almost every day, our relationship gets to experience a disagreement about these basic tasks.
In our family, self-regulation has not come naturally. From an early age we noticed that our Chloe needed a lot more help from us to manage her thoughts and feelings… especially at bedtime.
I remember the first time I noticed how other children her age were starting to control their impulses, manage their attention and organise their behaviour whereas she would struggle.
Despite giving Chloe the same co-regulation opportunities as her older sister, despite the responsive and warm interactions we had, despite giving her just the right amount of support, despite my coaching and modelling efforts, she just never seemed ready to self sooth or to truly trust the adults in her life.
I didn’t realise that socks were that important, or even an issue for our Chloe. She didn’t complain very often. She was just overloaded and crying by the end of most days, and she avoided socks and shoes in general.
Over the years I’ve heard from many Occupational Therapists that it's rarely just one thing that causes overwhelm and dis-regulation, but rather the cumulative affect of many irritants or missed opportunities to reset or regulate the sensory system during the day.
One day I thought to actually try some of our soft, seamless Sensory Socks on Chloe... and they instantly became one of my little secret weapons!
This year I had the eye-opening experience of trying Speech Therapy with Chloe for the first time, and oh my goodness I really didn't understand ALL that these amazing human beings can do 🙏
To quote the senior therapist and business owner of the practice we attend... she does SO much more than just 'fix lisps'...
"I am a champion of children, I believe in them, I will never give up and I will help them overcome whatever challenges they face; to become all they can be" ❤
At times, our Chloe struggles more than usual with self regulation and 'keeping up' with the demand on her... like when a big change occurs or a new school year starts. Then even during calmer times, just a standard school day brings major sensory overwhelm. For those of you who are also trying to help your exhausted, overloaded and emotional child every afternoon... you know what I'm referring to.
Here are some ideas I have gathered over the years from my experience with Chloe, and from my work with Occupational Therapists. These are for the car trip home or throughout the afternoon once at home. Our aim is to provide Chloe with an instant 'retreat' away from the sensory world as soon as she finishes school and hopefully help to calm an exhausted brain.
