In our family, self-regulation has not come naturally. From an early age we noticed that our Chloe needed a lot more help from us to manage her thoughts and feelings… especially at bedtime.
I remember the first time I noticed how other children her age were starting to control their impulses, manage their attention and organise their behaviour whereas she would struggle.
Despite giving Chloe the same co-regulation opportunities as her older sister, despite the responsive and warm interactions we had, despite giving her just the right amount of support, despite my coaching and modelling efforts, she just never seemed ready to self sooth or to truly trust the adults in her life.
Looking back now, it’s easy to see that her brain was wired differently to most… and she wasn’t behaving that way to be annoying or naughty.
I now know that she was born already feeling emotions and expressing them with a much higher intensity than most around her.
We noticed that she also responded differently to touch, noise, temperature, light and smells, but didn’t think much of it at the time.
Finally, at four years old we realised her ability to manage transitions and change was very different to most of the children in her kindy class.
We needed professional help, we needed some equipment… and most of all we needed patience!
You see, co-regulation (eg. seeking warm support from a parent) is SO much easier and feels WAY better than self-regulation! Co-regulation kicks self-regulation’s butt every . day . of . the . week! When a child is still relying on a lot of co-regulation and basically refuses to self-regulate, it's not a good idea for anyone! 🤦♀️
Luckily we met some amazing therapists and dove straight into sensory equipment and educating ourselves.
Of course we learnt to provide Chloe with a structured and predictable daily routine and give her plenty of warning before upcoming transitions... but most importantly we learnt to give Chloe little tastes of self-regulation success.
We started adding many little opportunities for self-regulation into her day and learnt we needed to have some ideal little tools easily accessible so she can have some quick wins at calming herself.
One of our favourite tools is her vibration cushion.
Vibration is a very calming sensation because it floods the brain with that lovely calming sensory input they are craving.
Vibration can help with:
As I write this, we are just finishing week two of a new school year here in Australia, and of course this is a particularly stressful time for us with Chloe’s spectrum wiring and highly anxious brain… so we have just ramped-up the use of her vibration cushion over the last few weeks:
I find that ‘pressure activated’ vibration cushions are the best because they offer a gentle vibration when sat on, hugged or squeezed... encouraging the child to experience cause and affect as they learn to self-regulate and choose when they help their own system to relax ❤
If you're reading this, then chances are your child may have limited self-regulatory skills as well? Make sure you take a break yourself when needed, as little super heroes like ours are particularly good at testing our patience and it's important that we stay firm yet calm in our actions and voice... even when our child is 'out of control'.
Sending love and strength...
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I didn’t realise that socks were that important, or even an issue for our Chloe. She didn’t complain very often. She was just overloaded and crying by the end of most days, and she avoided socks and shoes in general.
Over the years I’ve heard from many Occupational Therapists that it's rarely just one thing that causes overwhelm and dis-regulation, but rather the cumulative affect of many irritants or missed opportunities to reset or regulate the sensory system during the day.
One day I thought to actually try some of our soft, seamless Sensory Socks on Chloe... and they instantly became one of my little secret weapons!
This year I had the eye-opening experience of trying Speech Therapy with Chloe for the first time, and oh my goodness I really didn't understand ALL that these amazing human beings can do 🙏
To quote the senior therapist and business owner of the practice we attend... she does SO much more than just 'fix lisps'...
"I am a champion of children, I believe in them, I will never give up and I will help them overcome whatever challenges they face; to become all they can be" ❤
At times, our Chloe struggles more than usual with self regulation and 'keeping up' with the demand on her... like when a big change occurs or a new school year starts. Then even during calmer times, just a standard school day brings major sensory overwhelm. For those of you who are also trying to help your exhausted, overloaded and emotional child every afternoon... you know what I'm referring to.
Here are some ideas I have gathered over the years from my experience with Chloe, and from my work with Occupational Therapists. These are for the car trip home or throughout the afternoon once at home. Our aim is to provide Chloe with an instant 'retreat' away from the sensory world as soon as she finishes school and hopefully help to calm an exhausted brain.
Jenna Schade
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